Unrealistic messages about working parenthood are pervasive, creating relentless pressure to meet high expectations. However, this pressure is ultimately self-imposed. By consciously recalibrating your expectations from “perfect” to “good enough,” you can begin to alleviate stress and find a more balanced approach to life. Implementing practical strategies can help structure your daily routine into something less stressful and more manageable.
5 simple ways to stress less and find more balance:
- Define balance for yourself.
- Start by tracking your schedule. Then create a pie chart that represents how you spend your time. Sometimes we get caught up in an over-commitment trap without realizing it. Really consider which commitments bring you joy, and which ones bring you stress. It can be helpful to clarify your priorities and compare how your pie chart aligns with them. Can you pinpoint the areas you would like to change?
- Make an achievable plan.
- Identify realistic long-term self-care goals using short-term steps. Assess your obstacles and solutions by asking yourself key questions: What daily habits interfere with these goals? What resources are available that you aren’t taking advantage of? What trade-offs can you make? Share your goals with your family and friends for accountability.
- Here’s an example of a concrete, achievable plan: “I will try to get eight hours of sleep most nights by shutting down work half an hour before I need to go to sleep. I will then give myself 30 minutes to wind down before I start getting ready for bed. I haven’t been doing this because I feel guilty that the housework isn’t done. I can ask my partner or kids for help, or I can hire more help. Or I can adjust my expectations for myself and my family.”
- Learning to say “no” and goodbye to guilt.
- One of the biggest challenges working moms face is learning to say “no” to requests for their time. It may take some soul-searching to discover why it’s hard for you. Does it feel like you’re letting others down? That you won’t be liked? That someone will be upset with you? Try to identify three responsibilities you can cut out of your schedule and three you can delegate. Write out a mini script for turning down commitments and practice it with your family.
- Learning to say “yes” to yourself.
- Free up time for yourself by learning to set boundaries. It’s easy to over-schedule your family and under-schedule self-care. See where you can make changes, and keep in mind the difference between quality and quantity. Try a family meeting to discuss your desire to create more time and space for your own needs.
- Be compassionate to yourself.
- Notice the judgments you make about yourself. Create a more compassionate mantra, such as “good enough, not perfect.” Most of all, be compassionate to yourself in the self-care actions you choose. Unplug for some quiet time so you can reset when you feel stressed. Start small: Try playing your favorite song, taking five minutes for mindful breathing or reflecting on a high point of your day. When mom recharges, it’s a win-win all around.
Try one or more of these simple strategies and see where they take you. But remember simple doesn’t always mean easy. If finding balance was easy, we would already be doing it. It’s so tempting to want to be a supermom, but when we abandon perfection and go for “good enough”—in the way we think and the way we act—we can begin to experience greater life satisfaction.
If you are struggling with finding more balance as a parent, Lyra can connect you to a coach or therapist.
Join or learn more
Vanderbilt employees and their families are eligible to receive 12 counseling or coaching sessions per household member each calendar year, at no cost to employees.
Sign up today at vanderbilt.lyrahealth.com or call 877-804-2856.
Frequently asked questions are on the Office of Health, Well-Being and Belonging’s website.
The Office of Health, Well-Being and Belonging aims to strengthen health, well-being and a sense of belonging among employees. We are dedicated to promoting mental health, work-life balance and a supportive work environment. For more information, email HWB at wellbeing@vanderbilt.edu.
